Hi,
I've made massive strides in my recovery since doing the Lightning Process last October and have gone from fairly housebound to being able to walk 2 miles without fatigue and from not being able to drive to being able to drive for 20-30 minutes at a time.
All this has really opened up many things including my current nightclasses, voluntary and part time paid work but so far hasn't really changed things much socially for me. I'm 31 and many of my local friends are very busy with work and children plus I don't anymore feel I connect so well (apart from giving advice) to those still very ill with ME. I'm also wanting more than online friends and to get more confidence interacting directly with people.
My classes and work do give me some practice but only with people very much older or with my one on one tutoring work very much younger!
I also find a lot of my interests are solitary ones (lost all the others due to ME) so in a way I'm also wanting to explore interests some more and meet others my age. Problem is I've hunted round but not really found anything
social that fits the bill as most are many societies that mainly have talks (so not too social), involve mostly over 50s or demand more confidence than I currently have (i.e. amateur dramatics).
So I'm wondering if anyone else is finding the rebuilding challenging and how you either tackled or intend to tackle the challenge? How do you rebuild a social life from scratch? I guess some of us are like a person who is new to an area and it intrigues me how those people build their social lives.
I'm thinking I either just try every society locally under the sun and see what works or I look for work in a busier place like a supemarket, shop or pub etc.
Love to hear comments from anyone in similar situation and if anyone wants to say hello by email I'm sure Anne-Marie will pass on my address.
Jon
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COMMENTS
Re: Rebuidling Social Life + Confidence
I'm in a similar position. A couple of things I've found useful are reading and going through the book "Presenting Magically" by Tad James, should be available from your local Library. Although its more aimed at business presentations, any interaction involves presenting yourself. It's great for natural confidence and gives some good energy exercises as well.
"Living Magically" by Gill Edwards, may or may not be your cup of tea, but it's thought provoking when you are rebuilding your life.
Take a break. I used to love wilderness camping, but anything where you can get away from everyday life for a few days and really relax can help to find renewed focus and direction.
"Living Magically" by Gill Edwards, may or may not be your cup of tea, but it's thought provoking when you are rebuilding your life.
Take a break. I used to love wilderness camping, but anything where you can get away from everyday life for a few days and really relax can help to find renewed focus and direction.
Re: Rebuidling Social Life + Confidence
The answer for me was very much building a social life on a one-to-one or
one-to-two level - going for coffee, the odd meal out, things like that.
As I was only majorly ill for two six-month periods most of my friendships
managed to survive. But it's only been recently that I've started to enjoy
doing things in groups.
I've never found clubs and societies very productive for making friends, but
I find I often end up exchanging contact details with one or two people
after training courses or conferences - the kind of events which are about
interacting with people over the course of a day. Can be quite tiring
though, so it would have to be something you wanted to do for its own sake!
And there's always dating websites, which can be a way to make friends as
well as date people ... but a bit more stressful! That's perhaps for when
you're feeling really robust...
one-to-two level - going for coffee, the odd meal out, things like that.
As I was only majorly ill for two six-month periods most of my friendships
managed to survive. But it's only been recently that I've started to enjoy
doing things in groups.
I've never found clubs and societies very productive for making friends, but
I find I often end up exchanging contact details with one or two people
after training courses or conferences - the kind of events which are about
interacting with people over the course of a day. Can be quite tiring
though, so it would have to be something you wanted to do for its own sake!
And there's always dating websites, which can be a way to make friends as
well as date people ... but a bit more stressful! That's perhaps for when
you're feeling really robust...
Re: Rebuidling Social Life + Confidence
I'm 28 and in exactly the same position - I've been getting a lot better but most of my friends have moved away from my area (Hull) and I'm having trouble meeting anyone my age, let alone who shares my interests and might want to meet socially!
My friend has just recommended a website to me - gumtree.com . It was set up in Australia as an online community where you could advertise for new friends, partners or indeed anything (!) for free but it has now expanded to other parts of the world, including the UK. You can find your home town there and put an ad up, in the Friends Only section if you wish. I've only just done it myself so don't know what will come of it but those of you out there wanting to meet new people might want to give it a try. Good luck anyway, as I do sympathise! I know people who have moved to a new area who have had trouble making friends there so believe me it is not just us.
My friend has just recommended a website to me - gumtree.com . It was set up in Australia as an online community where you could advertise for new friends, partners or indeed anything (!) for free but it has now expanded to other parts of the world, including the UK. You can find your home town there and put an ad up, in the Friends Only section if you wish. I've only just done it myself so don't know what will come of it but those of you out there wanting to meet new people might want to give it a try. Good luck anyway, as I do sympathise! I know people who have moved to a new area who have had trouble making friends there so believe me it is not just us.
Re: Rebuidling Social Life + Confidence
Re: starting a social life from scratch. What I did was to cast around and
just think about what might interest me and then find out what might be
happening locally. For me it is Yoga and Art. The Yoga wasn't too
sociable, but necessary. I joined an art group which met in the mornings
and found everybody exceptionally kind and welcoming and great fun with many
amusing moments and interesting conversations. One member was kind enough
to take me to other demonstrations with another club where I met other
interesting people and it has now become central to my life. I have had
several successful exhibitions and a commisssion to paint a mural 70' x
6'3". All the work I do can be done in my own time when I feel up to it and
the mural I did in one and a half hour slots with rests at home in between.
This was scarey but exhilarating. In April I am venturing to St Ives in
Cornwall by train to do a course - fingers crossed!
I understand the desire to be involved in the theatre as I used to tread the
boards; how about seeing if you can be involved in props, costumes or
scenery or just clearing up, making tea tea etc. which you can do in short
bursts initially to see how you go before taking on a major role?
I went to a disability employment morning recently and was told the story of
a chap who had they got involved with his local theatre part-time and
gradually built up to 3 days a week - PAID!
So my advice is to search your heart for inspiration and have a go at
anything that makes it flutter with eager anticipation.
And don't right off the older generation, they can be very interesting
people. I found total acceptance from the Art group with no questions
asked. I also know of a girl who was desperate to go to India and when she
reckoned she was well enough, went with a lady of 70. They had a really
good trip and found they both needed a sit-down at about the same time!
just think about what might interest me and then find out what might be
happening locally. For me it is Yoga and Art. The Yoga wasn't too
sociable, but necessary. I joined an art group which met in the mornings
and found everybody exceptionally kind and welcoming and great fun with many
amusing moments and interesting conversations. One member was kind enough
to take me to other demonstrations with another club where I met other
interesting people and it has now become central to my life. I have had
several successful exhibitions and a commisssion to paint a mural 70' x
6'3". All the work I do can be done in my own time when I feel up to it and
the mural I did in one and a half hour slots with rests at home in between.
This was scarey but exhilarating. In April I am venturing to St Ives in
Cornwall by train to do a course - fingers crossed!
I understand the desire to be involved in the theatre as I used to tread the
boards; how about seeing if you can be involved in props, costumes or
scenery or just clearing up, making tea tea etc. which you can do in short
bursts initially to see how you go before taking on a major role?
I went to a disability employment morning recently and was told the story of
a chap who had they got involved with his local theatre part-time and
gradually built up to 3 days a week - PAID!
So my advice is to search your heart for inspiration and have a go at
anything that makes it flutter with eager anticipation.
And don't right off the older generation, they can be very interesting
people. I found total acceptance from the Art group with no questions
asked. I also know of a girl who was desperate to go to India and when she
reckoned she was well enough, went with a lady of 70. They had a really
good trip and found they both needed a sit-down at about the same time!
Re: Re: Rebuidling Social Life + Confidence
Hello, i'm fairly new to the Wellies and this is my first comment. It is very strange trying to rebuild my life. I recovered from ME a few months ago, then split up with my partner of 13 years so I suddenly find myself full of energy and single whilst my friends are having babies and cosy nights in with their partners. The first thing I did was to look for voluntary work. Whilst ill, I developed a passion for gardening so looked for somewhere that was related but I also looked for a place to volunteer that had a real mixture of old and young people and people my age (32). I found the ideal place and then was offered a job which I start next week!
I have been doing art, ceramics and NLP classes too which although i haven't made any friends, I have found the discussion and social stimulation really enjoyable. Especially Personal Development classes like NLP where everyone is searching for a answer to something. I have been thinking about dating agencies too but too scared to go there yet. I believe the trick is to start doing things you enjoy and have passion about and the social life will eventually follow. Feed your soul and the universe will take care of the rest.
Sara
I have been doing art, ceramics and NLP classes too which although i haven't made any friends, I have found the discussion and social stimulation really enjoyable. Especially Personal Development classes like NLP where everyone is searching for a answer to something. I have been thinking about dating agencies too but too scared to go there yet. I believe the trick is to start doing things you enjoy and have passion about and the social life will eventually follow. Feed your soul and the universe will take care of the rest.
Sara
